A BROtocrosser's Guide: How to Look Like A Bro. I Mean, Pro

It so often happens that I see a rider show up at a practice track, and I instantly can tell exactly what his skill level is before he even starts the bike. I honestly think I should be a part of the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, Criminal Minds style. Well, at least if they have a special division that handles crimes related to motocross, I'll be running that office. But this is beyond the point. I'm just trying to help all you Joes out there who cannot seem to grasp the simple concept of proper motocross fashion and etiquette off the track. BROtocross cares. With these simple steps, you'll have children asking for your autograph and ladies asking for your number. At least until you actually hit the track and do those sweet ass air wheelies.

1. Push your goddamn visor up. Holy Christ, I can't even explain how often this step is fucked up at every track in America. Why would you ever put your visor down so far? Even down at all. For the most part, your visor should be just about all the way up, though some helmets look fucking ridiculous with how high the visor goes. You'll just have to show some of your own actual judgment there. The point is that it's pretty obvious where your visor should be, just look at the pros. And don't be a retard.

2. Brand Consistency. Wearing a Thor helmet with Fox gear looks stupid. It instantly sends the signal that there is no way that you're sponsored, and you're not smart enough to make people think otherwise. It should always be your goal to fool others into thinking that at least someone out there thinks you are the shit, remember that. The only helmets that can be worn without the same brand of gear are Shoei, Arai, and Bell. Fox is an exception with Shift gear, but technically they are the same company. And don't even talk to me about mixing brands with the jersey and pants. Kill yourself.

3. Don't go cheap. Sticking with the helmet theme here. Don't buy the $60 deal on the bottom shelf at the dealership. I'm not even going to discuss the safety implications, my argument is that a $60 helmet always looks about as good as a $60 mail-order bride (that's cheap for a wife, right?). There is NO exception. In fact, you'll be seriously hard-pressed to find a decent looking lid for under $200. Don't be an idiot, just find a deal on a Shoei or something. eBay can be a wonderful thing.

4. Line up your fucking numbers. Listen, if you are going to be too cheap to get pre-prints, you are saying a lot about yourself. However, the blow of that statement can be softened with some properly applied numbers. It's not hard at all, just take the time and get some symmetry going on that bitch. Putting a one number under the bolt on your front number plate is NEVER the way to go. Never. Ever.

5. Gloves go for miles. I honestly find it appalling that I have to go here, but trust me, I do. Wear gloves. And boots, for that matter. I swear on my life that I have seen people at tracks not wearing either, and it makes me want to throw up all over them. It's disgusting. Makes me think I can't find happiness in such a sick world.

That's it for now, if I think of more, or if you have some good ones, comment and maybe we'll do How To Look Like A Pro 2.br0.