Chad Reed Saves J-Mack's Life, Gets Screwed In Championship

I really wanted to do another Pro Joe poll for the Dallas round, but putting anyone up against Mack Attack would have been a serious case of bringing a pocket knife to an A-bomb fight. I posted on the BROto Twitter on Saturday that Stewie would definitely win this weekend. I honestly thought that he had it locked up. Shit like that happens all the time, like the universe just conspires to fuck with everyone all day, every day; we write off a rider as the no-show BRO show, and he comes in and crushes everyone with eaze. I was ready to throw money down. Luckily, I didn't. I have never, in my twenty two years, seen James Stewart ride like such a novice. I don't give a fuck if he set the fastest lap time. He looked horrible, exactly like a person usually would when they've just stepped out of institutional confinement. Of course, James probably spent about two hours in there, but it still got him. I'll bet he found himself asking for bathroom breaks at home and looking for Titanic lunchboxes under a tree in Maine (if you didn't get that, then stop with the gay porn and watch a real movie for once, dude).

Here's something that absolutely has to be addressed: James Stewart owes Chad a really nice gift basket and a good bottle of wine, or something along those lines. I'm not talking convenience store wine, it's got to be some classy shit. I think some Arbor Mist will do the trick. Chad Reed may have literally saved Mack's life, because if Chad wasn't there, Bubbsy was off to the cheap seats to hang with the kids smoking weed and drinking beers - albeit without his head, most likely. Stewart definitely left his whoop-riding ability back in the evidence locker, and when he fucked up behind Chad, he was wide open heading toward the berm to shoot him into stardom (not fame, space). Instead, Reedy went for the good Samaritan award of the race and fucked over his own night to save a competitor from a body cast. What a guy. A tip of the cap to you, Chad. Winning isn't even that cool, anyway. But don't tell that to Charlie.