Thursday, January 27, 2011

How To Look Like A Pro 2.[br]0

Well I definitely wrote yesterday's article in haste, and I was sure that I missed a few good points that should be on the "How To Look Like A Pro" list. Luckily, that's what the faithful readers are for, and you guys came up with some points that I feel are necessary to the list. Actually, this list is quickly becoming "How to NOT look like a Joe", but it still fits the rhyme scheme, so I'm cool with it. We'll start where we left off...

6. Straight levers for days If your levers get bent, fix them. And if they break, fucking replace them. Don't file them down, ever. That looks about as cool as wearing sunglasses in a dark club. And sticking with that same analogy, it immediately alerts the people around you that you have no fucking business being where you are. Bent levers aren't straight, they are gay. See what I did there?

7. Tuck in your jersey, bro This one is ALWAYS a dead give-away to your joe-status. It's because the logic here is the opposite to pretty much every other area of everyday life. In MX, you look like a goddamn retard with your jersey untucked, and since most joe-shows run a jersey that's about 40% too large, it accentuates that status. But of course, if you don't know what you are doing, it would stand even the most basic rationale that the proper way to attire yourself would be to rock the untucked jersey. So you see, by doing so you immediately put out the alert that you will be doing air wheelies the second your tires leave the ground. There is, however, the exception of the partially untucked jersey, which can often be helpful in creating a tranquil breeze to your delicate skin whilst on the track. But, be forewarned, if you use a kidney belt, the partially untucked jersey is equally as unacceptable as the full show.

8. Don't BRO the numbers Choose your number with the mindset that you are actually choosing a tattoo for your mother. You wouldn't want to see her rolling around with a "69" or "420" tattooed above her junk, would you, you sick fuck? There are so many other numbers to choose from, don't get 420 or 69. And for that matter, never use a number that starts with "0". Why anyone would ever do that is beyond me, because that isn't funny to even the BROiest of assholes. It's just stupid, no way around it. I've actually seen a guy running "000" as a number. If I was a track owner, I wouldn't let someone on the track running those digits for fear that his lack of intellectual ability would be a danger to him and the others on the track.

That's it for 2.br0, those were the ones that needed to be shared.


  1. What about energy drink fags. Monster/ Rockstar gear matched with the graphics. Big no no, YOUR NOT SPONSORED!

  2. True. If you are not sponsored by an energy drink, it is not acceptable to wear ANYTHING from them.

  3. this is brilliant
    but my dad always wears missmatching gear and hes a great rider just form a different generation.