Monday, November 22, 2010

BROto Salute to STEROIDS!!!

To really appreciate the title, you pretty much have to scream the last word as you read it. It’s unfortunate that no one has developed technology that allows us to really type in terms of emotional enunciation. Yeah, exclamation points and caps lock work a little bit, but not to the same effect of having someone scream into your mind. And yes, I used an MLB logo for the picture, but why doesn't everyone get off my ass before I get really ANGRY! But this is all beside the point. 

They say ignorance is bliss. So all I have to say is prepare for a harsh drop into Realitytown. Honestly if you talk about steroids in sports, motocross probably isn’t going to be a major player in that conversation. This is a subject that is completely glazed over by EVERYONE in the world of motocross. We’re talking a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top. Say the word steroids at a meeting with the AMA and I am sure that you will be waking up in a dumpster in Bosnia. But BROtocross will not be silenced. I am here to let all of you know that if you throw a rock in the air at the start of a 450 national moto, it will probably land on someone that is utilizing performance enhancing drugs. Like, why does no one care? You gotta feel for the riders that are totally legit. Talk about getting screwed for being the good guy. I honestly wonder how many guys in the 450 class are actually keeping it real. But I must say, if I was planning on going pro, I would be cycling through the ‘roids so hard I would need a sponsorship from Proactive. Like, hey dude, want to make your life way easier and make hundreds of thousands of dollars once you get picked up by the factory, and never get tested? Oh wait, you may get tested, but that will just be your gas. God forbid you use leaded fuel. Now THAT would be cheating.

The apparent ‘roid of choice for today’s racer-on-the-go is Erthropoietin, known as EPO on the mean streets between the semis. I guess in ‘98 a bunch of guys on the Tour de France got caught with it and the stuff blew up on the scene. Now it is the drug to be shooting if you want increased muscular endurance. Sounds pretty prime to me. I must wonder how far down the ranks the use of this marvelous ‘roid cocktail goes. Are there 50 dads out there that have the kid on cycles of EPO so he can snag the 7-8 title at Loretta’s? Seriously though, I would say that there is a good to very good chance that Am riders are taking pricks in the ass (no pun intended) to get that extra boost to the top, and their parents are probably the ones holding the syringe. Apparently, use of this wonder-drug for just a couple of weeks produces results that last 3-6 months! Are you fucking kidding me? Like, what a perfect situation to alleviate your guilt for shooting up illegal shit. You only have to do it for 2 weeks. Oh it’s not a good idea, dude, that’s illegal. Wait, you only have to take it for 2 weeks? I’ll grab the needle. Maybe we should do two cycles, just to be sure.
 
This is pretty good. According to Steroid.com (yeah, real website), one of the effects of steroids of this type is inflammation/enlargement of some glands in your neck. I’ll just let you all connect the dots on that one. If you don't hear from me again, can someone come get me in Bosnia? Eazy out.

2 comments:

  1. RV and Izzi come to mind hahaha they did grow some fat necks pretty quick out of no where

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