Cedric Soubeyras: When Keeping It Real Goes (or Will Go) Wrong

So MotoConcepts has this Frenchie, Cedric Soubeyras, to ride some Supercrosses for the 2011 season. Soubeyras is the latest to benefit from DV's love for his countrymen, enough to bring them over to an even better country (fuck yeah). Soubeyras is best known over in Europe for being the "two stroke guy", as he simply refuses to leave his comfort blanket of a 250 two stroke for the benefit of a 450. Naturally, this has all the die-hard two stroke fanatics here in the U.S. all tight in the briefs. I guess Soubeyras is expected to ride the 250 against Dungey, Stewart, Reed, Villopoto, and the rest of the heavy hitters here in the States. The boards are abuzz with supporters and well-wishers. People are so psyched about this guy. Well, you probably should have seen this coming, but just call me Al Gore, because I am about to drop an inconvenient truth on all of your asses: This kid doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of doing well here. I know, send the death threats. Or if you want to be really progressive, tweet them. Join the 21st century, crazies. I can already hear the backlash from the two-smoke crowd - "250s have advantages in Supercross, bro." Yeah, that's probably right. But do you want to know where they don't have a leg to stand on? The start. 90% of the race, just out the window, see ya never. I know that this SouBROras kid can ride, I've seen the videos. And he even did well at Bercy. But we're not talking about some French stadium that's the size of a moderately-priced hotel room. We're talking about the big time, where you can actually open the bike up past first gear. The starts have been getting longer to suit the power of 450s, that's a goddamn fact.

And this is all beside the fact that these guys are the best in the world, and the bikes are built to the fucking moon. Why would you choose an inferior piece of equipment against the best in the world? Soubeyras got smoked in the GP series last year, and you know what? The riders here are better, I'm sorry Europe, but that's just the way it is. This is going to go about as well as the mission in Saving Private Ryan did for everybody but Private Ryan (oh, spoiler alert, they all get killed. Suckers.). Maybe Cedric will even get a couple of good starts, but statistically, it's pretty much impossible for him to be competitive. It's like DeNiro said in Casino: "The longer they play, the more they lose, and in the end, we get it all." Racing a two stroke is like playing in a casino. In the end, the house always comes out ahead. Now I know that by that logic, it is possible that this kid will have an amazing ride or two. But I'm just going by the numbers here, folks, and he's pretty much betting 35 black every time. In only six or so races, that's not going to pay. I know this kid is trying to keep it real with his 250, but it's just not in the cards, BRO.

Unrelated side note: This kid rides for some French gear company called First Racing. As far as I know, their stuff is unavailable in the States, but that needs to change. Yet again, I am into it. Send me some product, First. Medium jersey, 32 pants. Thank you.