Thursday, January 6, 2011

MX vs ATV Alive: Fuck Those Hay Bales

THQ is soon coming out with the next in the line of MX games that are actually acceptable to play. I say that because they and their partners in crime, Rainbow Studios, are the only producers of decent MX games ever for a gaming system. Yeah, EVER. Actually, if I remember correctly (which I certainly may not, and I'm not about to do any research. Do I look like a pussy?) THQ produced the third installment of the ATV Offroad Fury series without Rainbow, and it sucked harder than Jenna Jameson's signature model vacuum. So really it's all on the Rainbow shoulders, THQ just distributes, markets, and is along for the ride, I guess.

If you've played Reflex, then you know how much of a curve ball that was compared to every other MX game before it, but I can empathize with their mindset in making that, it was all in the name of progress. And here in America, if it ain't progressive, then just get it the fuck out of my way. I definitely do know that I was probably one of the best on the planet at the Unleashed series, then to have that ripped away from me with the foreign control platform of Reflex was a real stinger to the nether regions. And if anyone read that last sentence and thought "Yeah, whatever, BRO, I could probably take you in Unleashed", I say any time, any place. I will murder you; there will be nothing left but a dejected, comatose outline of your former proud self. You'll probably even turn a gloomy shade of gray all over. But in Reflex, it's just not coming together. Could be because I don't own it, but if memory serves, I just hopped on all the other games and was immediately God-like in my abilities. In all honesty, I think if the hay bales didn't exist in Reflex, I'd be world-class material still. Those fucking things have been the inspiration for more cursing on my part than, well, this blog. Please, Rainbow, get rid of the hay bales. They suck. They serve no positive purpose other than for other people when they want to laugh at how upset I get about them. But do you see the problem in that scenario? I'm never that other person, always the angry guy. I need to go throw something...

One last thing: Why do they even bother putting the quads in these games anymore? Everyone knows my disdain for ATVs burns with an absolute and fiery passion, but from the most neutral perspective that I can muster, I still see no reason for them in these games. They are so slow, absolutely no match for the bikes. Even if you do a race with just quads, you are still relegated to singling through the rhythm sections and taking the turns nice and slow so as not to flip that bitch. It's just an overall worse experience to the bikes. Sorry quads, you lose in the virtual world, too. Now you know why they used bikes in Tron and not quads.


  1. You didn't even touch on the slippery physics of the bikes Bro. Not to mention the multiple problems with being reset for no reason on certain tracks, whereas other tracks let you skip entire sections. Let's face it, the series took a serious turn for the worse when a few of the major players from Rainbow left the studio. These guys were there for MCM1, MCM2, ATV Offroad Fury 1&2, MX Unleashed and MX vs ATV Unleashed. Notice the shit that was put out since they left. Untamed blows bros and Reflex wasn't any better. 8 tracks? Psshhh. And yes, the ATV's, golf carts, UTV's, buggies, and trucks can fuck off.

    Also, I would like to take you up on Unleashed, Bro. I still play that shit before slogging my slutty girlfriend every day.

    1. Personally, I was way into the diversity of the vehicles on Unleashed. That was my JAM. The quads were POINTLESS on there too, but it was fun to jump the trucks and buggies. The golf carts were stupid. That's about it.

      Next point: Alive is by far the best MX v ATV to come out. Supercross sucks, encore sucks, reflex is horrible.. if not for the random falling off the bike, crazy spinning nose wheelies out of corners, and THE FREAKING HAY BALES (and the tires on the desert tracks) that would be world class. It's the only game I play to date. All the MXGPs are utter garbage, as a side note.

  2. offroad fury 2... my stomping grounds. I sincerely believe I'm on of the greatest to ever play that. I miss it