Mike Alessi's 350 Commits Suicide Out Of Embarrassment

 That's right, it's another Alessi post. I'm never going to stop, so don't even bother telling me to. Tt has not been addressed properly that Mike Alessi cut the fuck out of the track in the first turn of the 450 main at Toronto. The kid just plowed right through the haybales in a split-second decision to make the first turn a right hander rather than the lefty that everyone else used. Perhaps Mikey was getting used to the idea of scoring holeshots from his weekend at J-ville, and decided that it was up to him to take matters into his own hands. It was his destiny, as Tony would probably say, even after he approached the turn in 14th or wherever he was.


Watch the video, that move may VERY well have been intentional. Like, he had definite opportunities to get back on the track without cutting that much. Can't gain a position, BRO. By my count, Michael, you gained about sixteen. So you broke the divine AMA's rule sixteen motherfucking times in the course of one [not] turn. Let the wrath of the AMA rain down on you, bitch.

Of course, KTM took care of it. Rumor has it that the boys in orange have not only got electric start on the tree-fiddy, but also a suicide feature, sort of like a cyanide pill for the bike. So when Mike managed to cheat his way into the top five, only to immediately begin to fade, a la every other time he's been in the top five recently, that embarrassment sensor kicked into gear and Mike's bike bid farewell to it's shitty life and it was donezo. Unfortunately, like every other piece of revolutionary technology that KTM has developed, it doesn't work worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on. Shorty's bike was caught in the crossfire, and he was done-gy, too. Of course, Dungey wound up winning, so maybe that Eazyism doesn't really fit right now. Eh, fuck it.