Tuesday, March 29, 2011

James Stewart Arrested For Hating Traffic And Authority, Like A Boss

WFTV was there as 25-year-old James Stewart Jr. was released on bond from the Orange County Jail overnight.
Stewart allegedly targeted three men in a car and activated his blue and red dash lights and pulled them over in a fake traffic stop on State Road 417. Police said the incident happened at about 4:50pm on Monday.Stewart's passenger, 44-year-old Thames Jehrrod Quinault, from California, was also arrested for tampering with evidence after police said he tried to hide the blue and red lights from state troopers in his luggage. Full Story Here

BRO, James Stewart got fucking arrested. This is one of those stories that is so overwhelming that I really don't think I can handle it. I mean, this is close to Tiger Woods levels. How do you communicate the volume of this? It's more than one man can handle, and for you all to think that I can do it, while flattering, is just not fair. Contrary to what you may have come to believe, I am just a man, not a god. So I'm going to keep this kind of short, and here we go.

First of all, I am going to lead this critique off with something that I think a lot of people are thinking: Stewie's stock just went up in my book. I think this shit is hilarious; not the getting arrested part, but the police strobes to move through traffic. I would be pulling that move for days, maybe even try to pull some girlies over with the megaphone (I'm just assuming that James is enough of a baller to have one of those, too). The only thing he did wrong was get caught. You can't be too liberal with the lights, BRO; James just flew a little too close to the sun. It's shit luck, really. I'll bet the house that he wasn't actually trying to pull anyone over, but what are the odds of flipping the switch behind three cops? That's winning the shit lottery, BRO. But it's refreshing to know that he does dumb shit like everyone else. If anything, this rehab'ed Bubbsy's image, at least for people like me. Like, if you had strobes in your car and were in a traffic jam, would you hesitate to hit the button and pull the Johnny Law routine? If your answer was yes, then sit yo ass down, bitch. Me and James are on the same page here.
Oh, and I think the biggest part of this story is something that's being completely ignored by everyone else: James Stewart's middle name is Mack? Is that right? I feel like it's not because they fucked up "Stewart" in that report, and Mack is way too gnarly of a name to not be addressed more than the state of the Union. How do you end up with the nickname "Bubba" when your middle name is Mack? Mack Attack, Mack Daddy Smooth, Macker Jack. I'm not saying that we can change Bubba, but can we add on Mack? Like Bubba Mack? Forget this Bro Show bullshit; even though it's in my best interest to have the word BRO attached to James, I'm willing to sacrifice that for Mack Stewart.

Update: Ok, so it turns out that I was right to be suspicious of that photo and Stewie's middle name is apparently Mark, not Mack. But I stand by everything I said and maintain a firm stance that Mack would be way friendlier from a marketing standpoint, so get the legal eagles going on that.

9 comments:

  1. As soon as I saw Mack on that mug shot I was saying to myself please tell me there's a paragraph on that shit.

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  2. this wouldnt have happened to Dungey.. well mostly cus hes white. masta mack an his homeboyz jus tryn to get some poon tang, yall already knooW!

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  3. First of all i almost wet my pants when I read the link for the video - I thought it was WTFTV.com.

    Re: Mack Stewart Street Cred?

    I smell a collaboration between Mack Stewart, Mac 10, West Coast Connection and Ice Cube. Re-Mix Foe Life w/Mack Stew "spittin" some new lyrics.

    Here come MC Mack Stewy's ne Anthem.

    Word up BROtocross!

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  4. Mack Daddy/Daddy MackMarch 29, 2011 at 3:08 PM

    James Mack Steward Jr is GANGSTA AS FUCK!

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  5. His middle name is Mack. Remember a few years ago when he wanted to change his nickname from 'Bubba' to 'J-Mack'. Everybody ignored it because you are not allowed to nickname yourself, a nickname is given by others.

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  6. it's only cheatin once you get caught

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  7. That is right. I remember the 'J-Mack'. At that time he said his middle name was MACK. Kicks ass.

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  8. I dont know if I have seen a dumber more clueless group of idiots.. even JS would have to draw the line and at clueless support here and he is the cause of it!

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  9. WTF are you talking about dude? Are you speaking Swahili???

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