Thursday, June 16, 2011

On - AMA Considering Adding A Parent Class At Pro Nationals?

Seriously, why are you still on blogspot? Go to

Izzi 16th and Pregnant
In a cruel world where an act of pure ecstasy can inadvertently result in the most permanent and repressing of circumstances, action needs to be taken. Young men taken in their prime - still hungry and filled to the brim with that carnal desire to excel as the proverbial alpha male - instead forced into a life of solitude, their eyes glazed over with but a mist of their former manhood. I am of course describing the all too familiar condemnation that is parenthood. It is a subject that has been mentioned before, but the thought hit me again watching Nico Izzi at High Point. Performing what has now become his M.O., the man (term used with extreme leeway) holeshot the moto, charged for about two laps, then faded out of the top five, which will henceforth be referred to as "I Don't Know Where". The kid still has the pace to be running in the top three, he qualifies in the top 5 regularly. Izzi used to be what the average man would describe as "the shit". Kid was money, and he knew it. Honestly, he is probably still just as fast, speaking in relation to his competition. What I am saying is that I do not think Izzi has lost his speed or his ability. So what was the X-factor that sent him from top three to I Don't Know Where? He birthed a child. He is a daddy now. The stork flew his way and dumped a big, steamy miracle of life in a flaming paper bag on his doorstep. Sure, Izzi is not on factory equipment anymore, so you could use that as an explanation. But he is still turning blazing fast times every weekend, so I am not buying it. Fact is that having a child means that you are spending time teaching junior how to insert the circle shape into the right slot (which coincidentally is where the whole cycle starts for the next generation) when you could be ripping bike rides or doing figure 8s until the bike runs out of gas. You gotta want it, BRO.

Of course, I am picking on Nico because he was the one who inspired this blog, but we cannot leave out other deserving candidates for the parent class; I am talking to you, Josh. Grant was a certified slayer last year right up until about halfway through the Nationals. What happened, BRO? Oh snap, that was when your chick started smuggling hams out of the grocery store under her shirt, which is a crude euphemism for "she started rocking that baby bump." Why is it these guys who slowed down after they were infected with baby and not guys like Rattray, Reed, Carmichael, etc? Because guys like Grant and Izzi are still young; they are fueled by their energy (not as stupidly obvious as it sounds) and raw desire. That is why Reed can minivan his way to the $1 million championship party while Grant and Izzi are stuck with their 8th place $30 non-transferable Starbucks gift cards at Daddy and Me activities classes. I know it's tough boys, but if you want the skill, get her the pill.

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