Saturday, November 6, 2010

BROto Salute to Raise IT Up, LLC

I know that it has been an off week (literally) for BROtocross, and most of the MX world is buzzing about this video now since Vurb posted it yesterday, but I have to address it now. Let's start off with the obvious: Every single one of these bikes is stolen, absolutely no question about it. I believe I spotted a brand-new, still-shining '08 CRF450 in there, which just sickens me. Some people may think "Hey, that's profiling to assume that these bikes are stolen!" Well, let's consider for a minute that these motherfuckers' only use for the bikes is to wheelie them down 95 South or whatever fucking road that is going through Baltimore. They would do just as well with a 95 CR 80. But no, multiple absolutely brand new bikes are in this video. Some of these bikes even have the Factory Connection stickers on the forks, but are we really expected to believe that these guys got the suspension done to wheelie down a goddamn highway? Stolen, definitely.

But, let's be real, this is some serious wheelie shit right here. Seriously, I am pretty sure that I could not wheelie a 450 down a crowded road with one hand on the bars and looking back at the camera. That is gnarly. And no gear at all, because the only protection that you need is the Magnum in your pocket for the bitches on the sidelines. In fact, fuck 'em, just abort that shit. Of course, after about 30 seconds, wheelies cease to be cool. I mean I am pretty sure that no trick has a gayer name, right? Wheelie? What four year old fairy named that trick way back in the day? I guess it probably got named in the 30s when the American language (yes, I said it, American) was pretty ridiculous anyway. But I digress. They actually have this filed as an LLC, which means they are trying to make money. I would love to see the numbers behind this company. It may not be much, but actually, it is all profit. When you steal everything you need for start-up capital, you are never in the red! Next stop, the cover of Forbes. What a business model! No expenses, 100% profit. It is literally every business owner's dream. Unbelievable, who'd have thought that the holy grail of American business would be found in a bunch of hood rats in Baltimore? Amazing, truly amazing. So here's to you, Raise It Up, LLC, and your unprecedented business practices that will surely change the face of the prestigious Forbes 500 CEOs forever.

P.S. I cannot stop watching the guy from about :45-1:04. Teaching us how to dougie while he rips a wheelie down the highway.

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