Saturday, November 6, 2010

Let's talk about the King of BROtocross: Tyler "One Punch" Evans

Here's another video that popped up this week that has the internet moto industry all abuzz. Tyler Evans just absolutely blowing minds with this video. I am still looking for confirmation as to whether or not this is legit, because I honestly can't tell. Like, he's trying to sound like an idiot, right? But is that all part of the character? Does anyone even watch WWE anymore? If so, do they act like this. My knowledge of wrestling pretty much consists of the episode that South Park did making fun of it earlier this year, so I am not exactly an authority figure on the matter. But who gives a fuck, being an authority figure on wrestling is pretty much like winning a tiny peter contest, it's an accomplishment that reflects a negative turn in your life. Anyway, Tyler Evans has always been the one who put the "bro" in motocross, definitely at the forefront of the movement, so this seems like a perfectly logical move for him. Has-been/Never-was Supercross racer to WWE ass-douche-hole. Terrific.
Honestly, I could not make it through this whole video, and I have no intention of trying again, so I cannot fully review this masterpiece, but I did catch a couple of things worth mentioning. First of all, I am about 75% sure that he is wearing a wig in this video. I definitely have never seen Tyler Evans with hair, but you could literally cover your view of his hair in this video, and he looks exactly the same as he always did when he was racing. Thing is, the bald look is way more in line with the WWE image, I would think, so why even bother with the headpiece, One Punch?
It seems like Evans took on-camera speaking classes from Ryan Sheckler, lots of random, long pauses, as if he is building up to a huge bombshell, but he only continues his sentence to its rather mundane conclusion. It's pretty funny when he says that he was "Third in the world", which of course is a reference to the World Supercross Championship, which no one has ever cared about, ever. And I LOVE when he mentions that he has ridden for all of the motorcycle manufacturers you can think of, which includes "Kalasaki and Evans Entertainment Group", around the 1:10 mark of the video. No, I didn't type that incorrectly, it is clearly "kalasaki". And why include Evans Entertainment Group? Obviously he knows that it is not a brand of motorcycle, so why include it here? Just mention that you have some shitty entertainment company later, chief. Don't make yourself out to be a complete dumbfuck to even the most casual observer, because even someone with no mind at all for motocross is going to be able to tell that EEG is not a manufacturer. That is pretty much as far as I got in the video before I could no longer handle it, so I'm going to end this rant now by saying a big thank you to Tyler Evans and maybe I will even tune in to that one punch that you dish out in the WWE. Wait, is it still on TV at all?

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