Thursday, December 16, 2010

Why, oh why, Would You Ever Race Dirt-Track (Or Any Other Discipline, For That Matter)?

Here I present to the masses another random thought that I needed to share with the rest of the motonet. I happened upon On Any Sunday again the other day, and of course thoroughly enjoyed it. But during my viewing session, I asked myself something that I have wondered about many times: Why the fuck do people choose off-road disciplines other than motocross? I cannot be the only person who wonders this. Like, sure, dirt-track and speedway have the fast pace, awesome. Don't old guys bitch about how motocross is too fast now? Not to mention that you actually get to use the suspension on your bike, instead of setting it down like you're plugging your balls up inside yourself. Seriously I've seen kids that ride dirt-track. They look like the animals at a low budget zoo, like there's a cloud of sadness constantly hovering over them because they are relegated to a sport where they have the right equipment, but have to settle for riding in a circle all day. Oh my god, and how about ice racing. Dirt track in sub-zero temperatures with tires that would make Jaws green with envy. There is no scenario on the planet where I see myself enjoying that Canadian excuse for a motorsport.

Then there's hillclimb. I absolutely have no idea how someone can justify choosing that over motocross, none whatsoever. Rad, you almost made it up that hill and ate shit for 500 feet rolling down. Oh, and your swingarm could double as a crane working on the Sears Tower. Enduro, you guys are just the back-country warriors straight out of Deliverance. And I don't mean to insult, but give me a break. I'm not talking about the weekend warriors that just go out and ride on a Sunday with their BROmies, I'm talking about the guys who actually compete at it. Once again, I just do not understand. Sure, woods riding is fun sometimes, to mix it up a little and just cruise, but to actually be racing through goddamn creeks and mud holes that would submerge a Cadillac? No thank you, and never mind those handguards that they use; you know, the ones that look like they serve more as some sort of janky sail mechanism than fucking roost protectors. Puhlease. That Endurocross series was on TV today, and I just cannot explain how much it looked like the majority of riders out there were not having a good time. Once again, little individual rain clouds following people around, that's what I saw, because I am so observant. And some guy was riding a two-wheel drive KTM. Yeah, that's cool, just like getting the herpes from an ugly chick. Nothing good about it, and you have to live the rest of your life knowing that you were that guy.

Through all of this, the guys in these sports probably see motocross and say "Pssh, that guy just went into the air on his motorcycle. What a retard. Like, 'hey look, I can fly' when really such is obviously just not the case". They probably wonder why on earth someone would want to whip the bike or drag the handlebars in a turn, because that's just asking to fall down and get an owie.

1 comment:

  1. rebuttle: