Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Latest Mainstreamer On The SX Bandwagon: M-Drive 4 Men. I'm Psyched.

I don't know if this was just a SPEED thing, and honestly I don't care. I complained about the commercials on SPEED last week, and this time they came at me with at least one new offering. Unfortunately, this was it. M-Drive 4 Men. That's who is looking for the Supercross consumer market. A supplement for impotent men. Damn. Is this really the impression that the rest of the world gets from the sport? That we can't handle life and our junk fails to produce properly?

And I'm no scientologist, but isn't this basically just a steroid? Like, that's what steroids do, produce testosterone that your body does not. Oh well, at least you don't have to inject it straight into your ass. Right? And once you stop taking it, you'll finally be able to where a tight shirt, bitch-tits.

The reason that I bring up stuff like this is that I feel like the more mainstream the sport is getting, the gayer the TV contributions seem to be. When they said that "The podium speeches are just a triple jump away," I promptly turned off my TV and had a talk with it: "No, they are definitely not" was all I had to say, and my TV just sat there in degraded silence; I had handled that situation like M-Drive 4 Men handles your balls (essentially, it does). It's kind of the Motocrossed effect; when outsiders come into the game, they for some reason think that everyone who rides motocross is some BRO who speaks like a goddamn caveman who just smoked about a pound of weed. To his face. It's just getting annoying. I know that it's a good thing that the sport gain attention outside of the core demographic. More and more people pay attention, more companies are willing to dump cash in. And not only that, but more people aligning with motocross could even mean some say-so from Big Brother up there. Maybe we'll gain a little bit of political clout. I definitely dream of a day when motocross riders run the government like Tammany fucking Hall. Lower EPA budgets, maybe some tax incentives on Japanese imports with two wheels and knobby tires. Hey, I think there is a shortage of dust and noise in that neighborhood, better get on that. You can bet your ass that this motherfucker will be at the center of that machine. What can I say, I dare to dream. If it means that I have to deal with Ralph explaining what whoops are every week and commercials for men who might as well be caged in a low budget zoo, so be it. I mean, I made it through Supercross: The Movie, and if Trip Carlyle asking about the Bullet 450 powerband didn't kill me, then I have to say I've reached gladiator status when it comes to my ability to handle Joe Novice and his barrage of idiocy.

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