Thursday, April 14, 2011

Everything About This Zero Bike Says "Moto Fanny Pack"

Ok, I've seen articles about this Zero bike before, and heard that the sound was pretty pathetic, but I just recently saw this shit and holy fuck I had no idea. That is a vagina with wheels and handlebars. It purrs like a wolverine that's had its vocal cords removed. The thing about videos like this one is that they think the sound is a fucking selling point; Zero is throwing marketing dollars behind the attribute of the bike that will liken motocross to the Museum of Natural History but not as interesting. Hell, even the name Zero is probably intended to mean no emmissions, no sound. Unfortunately, they missed the idea that Zero could be construed as a retarded name from the get-go. I know sound is an issue for a lot of riders today and the reason some tracks have been getting shut down. Well you know what? You guys enjoy your bikes. If that's the only way to ride for you, fucking go for it. I'll be on my 250 blowing my neighbors' eardrums out. Cops are coming? Fuck 'em, I'm Eazy, bitch.

Of course, this is all said without addressing the fact that these bikes also look like life-sized versions of Barbie's dream bike without the pink. Seriously, did Mattel design these things? That bike is a toy, no way around it. I'm making a rule, right here, right now. You can't call something a motorcycle if it's not spitting out exhaust and eating up precious gas and oil. If it looks like it's made of more plastic than a Powerwheels car and sounds even gayer - no go, BRO.


  1. Yeah! O'Doyle Rules!

    You sound just like a '2T DB'

  2. Ive ridden one and they are actually pretty fun...............just not $10,000 worth of fun.

  3. The way you Yanks burn HydroCarbons you better start gettung used to this shit BRO because this will be the only thing you're gonna be riding in 10 years time well that and prize Texan Steers...

  4. Those bikes are louder than the video portrays. You would be surprised at how much noise the chain makes and landing hard off jumps.