Friday, April 15, 2011

Track Personalities And How To Deal With Them. Part 5

That Guy

Our final personality in the TPAHTDWT series is, of course, That Guy. A chameleon of sorts, That Guy can be seen in many different lights. Although unlike a chameleon, That Guy is often very noticeable amongst the crowd. In fact, that is often the reason for his defining characteristic, which consists of anything and everything that will make onlookers exclaim "Oh Christ, take a look at That Guy." Maybe it's a visorless helmet, maybe it's sneakers instead of boots, maybe it's bare hands because gloves are for fairies. No matter which, and even if unintentional, That Guy will always do something to distinguish himself. At times, it will even be much more subtle - maybe a 420 or a 69 on the number plate, so we are forced to consider the possibility that he is too stupid to realize that he just picked a sex act as a number. Regardless, he is still coaxing a solid "Fuck, it's That Guy," from us whenever he shows up at the track.

How To Deal - Two simple words to handle That Guy - tough love. It's the only way he'll learn. Much like the Army tries to beat men into submission during boot camp, you must destroy That Guy before he destroys himself and everyone else with his douchery. He doesn't understand how things work at the track, and he will not listen to reason. He must be dealt with in a violent manner. Take that motherfucker out. But be careful, because That Guy is just the type of person to ignore everything else going on around him and try to ghostride his bike into you as you come to lap him. So know what you've signed up for going into this. It's a service to everyone else, you'll just have to bite the bullet and handle it. Best case scenario - you send him over a berm so hard he lands in a different area code, one that doesn't have a hospital within a plausible distance. It's a tall order, but the second you doubt yourself, you're giving the power to That Guy.


  1. We need a track personality about guys rocking out the replica bikes. Unless you're smoking the A class don't ride a Zuk with #4 or #5. Or Kawi with a 2. Even then, sketchy...