Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Track Personalities And How To Deal With Them. Part 2

 The Rich Kid Novice
Note: I know the Tedders aren't actually novices (kind of), but this pic fits the profile to the letter.

This type C personality exists equally as abundantly as the Almost Pro BRO, I'd say. They are identifiable by their fucking perfect fleet of bikes, ten fresh sets of gear - all same brand of course, they get 5% off. Can you say sponsored, BRO? The bikes will typically be heavily modified, even though a goddamn jet pack and an insider in the scorer's tower couldn't even get this guy a win. Definitely their results tell part of the story, too. A solid 18-19 for a 20th in the 250 C class and it was a good day. Um, killing it much? After a brutal four lapper, they typically head back to their posh motorhome that makes my house look like a refrigerator box but not as solidly built. And the personality would not be complete without the "MTF" stickers on their helmets and bikes. Oh, you don't spend the winters there?

How To Deal - This one really only requires instruction for A riders. It's going to be tough, but you have to be these kids' best fucking friend. I'm talking water balloon fights, getting into wacky hijinks, and leaving silly tandem phone messages. Fight every urge you have to punch the kid in the face and take all of his shit that's way nicer than yours. I know he doesn't deserve it, but put in the man-hours and you could seriously be rocking a brand new ride courtesy of your new sponsor SlowJoe Inc. It has happened before, and will continue to happen. If you're an A rider, you're cool to these guys, and their dads have pockets deeper than Pam Anderson's snatch. Many a local has scored a sponsor because Joey Broey over there pulled some strings and asked daddy to sponsor


  1. "If you're an A rider, you're cool to these guys, and their dads have pockets deeper than Pam Anderson's snatch." - hahahahha greatest line ever. and BRO, that picture is FUCKIN REDONKULOUS.

  2. Agreed, easily the funniest line to hit the Broto so far.

  3. Yeah Beavis, he said 'snatch'. Good one Eazy...