Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Track Personalities And How To Deal With Them. Part 3

Larry Loopout

You may think that Larry is the same person as Joey Novice, which is a perfectly normal thought, as the Larry Loopout of the track is really just the next step toward the edge of the novice spectrum. Basically, Larry is a species of Joey that is exceptionally dangerous. He is identifiable in many of the same ways: low, LOW visor, untucked jersey (often grossly mismatched with the rest of his gear), and there will almost definitely be an improper amount of black plastic on his bike. Again, like Joey, Larry is convinced that he is obliged by religious practice to jump EVERYTHING on the track, and that includes berms, ruts, starting gates, and downed riders. Of course, the genuine inspiration for his name is in his astonishing ability to wheelie the bike in the air. That's right, in the air. It comes from brutal training sessions exiting turns or going through rollers, pitching the front end up to 12 o'clock so quick and unintentionally he doesn't have time to say "Check me out, bro."

How To Deal - Warning: should you encounter Larry on the track, proceed with EXTREME caution. He is a veritable ticking time bomb. It is not a matter of if he will destroy himself and everything within a 20 yard radius; it is a matter of when. When you come up to him, honest to God, it might just be time to say "You know what, I've ridden enough today." That's the safest route, like when parents tell kids the best way to ensure you'll get no STDs is to not have sex; Larry is a big heaping helping of gonorrhea for you. Being near him is like playing with fire, tempting fate. Of course, in certain instances you cannot pull off the track, so if that is the case, very seriously consider just putting Larry on the ground. That I would equate to when a bomb squad detonates a bomb in a controlled environment. If you have control, you have the upper hand. By sending him to the ambulance, you may very well be saving ten other people a similar ride. Nobel Peace Prize maybe?

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