Monday, January 10, 2011

Family Matters With The Alessis - Did You See That Heat Race?

So rather than doing one big post about my observations at A1, a la Matthes, I'm going to embrace my status as a humble blogger and just do a bunch of short posts. Mainly, this just allows me to spread it all out and spend more time being lazy and playing Xbox rather than seeking out content. Yes! Take that, system! I defy thee. Anyways, several things happened that were worth talking about, so let's get to the first talking point.

The dysfunction that surrounds the Alessi family just continues to blow my mind. First of all, Mike qualified in 21st. Can you fucking believe that? Mr. Believe The Hype, the end all be all, the "GOAT even before he was conceived" is not even top 20 material. That has nothing to do with the family, but it just tickles me in a way that is inappropriate to disclose to the viewing public. But that's really not what I'm talking about with this one. Jeff actually beat Mike in qualifying, in 17th. Still not super impressive, but you know what, the fact that Jeff can ride at the level he does is pretty good, considering he probably sleeps in a little shack outside of the house and has one of those feeding tubes that hamsters use.

But in the heat race, Jeff was in 10th, Mike in 9th. It was pretty obvious that Jeff was faster, from what we saw of the coverage of that battle. When Jeff passed Mike, I knew right away that he would not be getting dinner this week. Tony had to be so heated, and you know what? Jeff knew it. The next we saw of that race, Mike was back around Jeff, and Jeff looked like Tony was going to break his kneecaps if he tried to pass Mike again. Mike wound up getting the spot, and Jeff would fail to qualify for the main. Dude, get out of that house, Jeff. You're faster now, fuck Mike, and fuck Tony. I don't even like Jeff Alessi, ever since that interview he did at LL a long time ago where he proclaimed his superiority to everyone else on the track in the douchiest way possible, but I just feel for the kid. Everything just sucks for him, always a runner-up to Mike's lack of accomplishment. I'll bet you anything he got a talking to after practice for posting a faster time than Mike. Like "Jeff, if you hadn't had to go be a big shot and get 17th, Mike could have been top 20. We need that for Alessi Weekly, like, NEED it."


  1. Dude we have been saying that all along. When everyone else was talking about A1 hype and who's gonna take the win, my hope was that Jeff spanked Mike and sent the 800 to get 3rd in the LCQ.

  2. I just kept picturing Jeff having to call a cab to get home. Oh yeah, he is definitely NOT going to be a part of Mike Alessi's wedding.

    Jeff's latest career highlight = slowing down to let Mike make the main at A1.