Monday, June 13, 2011

Mike Alessi Is A Victim Of Premature Startulation

Yes! Another Alessi post. I really feel like it has been a while. I feel like BROtocross has been a touch out of the comfort zone, but now we are right back into it; the bread and butter of BRO. Mike Alessi jumped the gate at High Point. If you recall, he's been accused of pulling stunts like this since the amateur days. The question is do we really believe he is intentionally cheating? For what it's worth, I am going to go ahead and say no. First of all, every racer knows that jumping the gate is a pretty major gamble; essentially, you have to time it as perfectly as getting a legitimately perfect start, so by that logic there is nothing to gain from the cheat. Second of all, this is just textbook Alessi for me. The type of guy to get all loose cannon with the clutch on the start is the type of guy who would pull out in the first lap of practice guns a blazing as if that was the only time he would know the sweet taste of being the first rider across the line. Oh, tough hit, BRO. How much do you want to bet that this is something that affects him throughout his daily life. If I actually believed that he had sex with his girlfriend, I would make a joke about his incompetence in doing so here. But I don't. That 45 seconds of ecstasy is definitely not worth those depleted testosterone levels, right BRO?

I think everyone also needs to cool it with the "Navy Seal" talk about Alessi. The resemblance is kind of cancelled out when your composure on the motorcycle is like that of a frightened field mouse. Now you are just insulting America with the nickname, and I don't take kindly to those types. Watching Mike ride is a whole new type of painful. I do not give a fuck if he is built, he looks like he weighs about 140 soaking wet when he's on the bike. His elbows look like they are being propped up by a couple of those elbow casts that doctors decided to make to fuck with arm-injury victims; you know, the type that when they show it to you, you honestly consider just dealing with a broken fucking arm for a few months just to avoid. BROken arm style for days, Mike.

No comments:

Post a Comment