Thursday, April 14, 2011

Track Personalities And How To Deal With Them. Part 4

The First Timer

This video doesn't really fit the profile, but I searched "first time motocross", this popped up and I enjoyed it.

On the same novice branch as Larry Loopout, you will find the ever-present Frankie First Timer. The First Timer does not present the same danger as Larry. He is timid and apprehensive in such unknown territory as the track. Maybe he got a bike for his birthday, maybe he saw Supercross: The Movie on TV and decided that he wanted to be the next Trip Carlyle. Regardless, when he arrives at the track he is in for the rude awakening that every rider wishes he could dole out unto the world: MX is gnarlier than you are, BRO. The First Timer's lack of experience is blatantly obvious, although unlike Sir Loopout, he'll often have a very clean looking bike, either with no numbers or electrical tape 1s and 7s (those make use of the least amount of tape. We're not trying  to break the bank here). Another dead giveaway will be the helmet. More often than not, it will be one of the $65 numbers that you wouldn't force upon your worst enemy; the type of helmet that with the slightest amount of pressure in the right spot will disintegrate into a fine dust not unlike the stuff he will be laying in as he rounds the first corner only to find that the front brake is indeed not interchangeable with the clutch.

How To Deal - Unlike Larry, the First Timer is not necessarily an "avoid at all costs" type of personality. Usually, he is exceedingly careful on the track in an effort to put himself in the least amount of danger. I believe the scientific term for this personality is "little pussy bitch". As he gets more confident with experience, he may absolutely become the dreaded Larry, but in his current state, he does not pose much of a threat. However, a huge mistake would be to line up next to the First Timer at the starting gate. Although he will often take his time and get going about 30 seconds after the gate drop, there are often instances when the First Timer, much like his more evolved personality Larry Loopout, will pop the fuck out of that clutch with the bike wide open in first gear, in which case he's flipping that bike like fucking Lou Ferrigno and you have a huge chance to be caught up in that disaster. Don't do it. Otherwise, you can have fun with the First Timer. If you're really the shit, take him out a few times. He gets it, fast guys run the show. He'll just cower in his corner and plot to come by with a sawed off shotgun or something, but he won't confront you right away, so who gives a fuck?


  1. How didn't you find this gem?

  2. Hahaha I was going to post that video too. Definitely one of the best ones out there!