Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Pack Your Bags, We're Going to MX Drug School

After the BROto Salute to Steroids went up, some people wanted me to discuss what other drugs can be found in the abyss of the moto world. There has been a ton of discussion over the years about that Mary Jane and her seduction of certain riders, so first let me just address that. It’s pretty funny how everyone gets on people like J-Law’s ass about smoking the ganj. Sure, he totally does, but - hope your mind is not operating heavy machinery ‘cause it’s about to get blown - so does everyone. Yes, the veil is lifted and you may now see the world for what it is. Emig lost his career over it while the rest of them were probably tossing out hundies to keep everyone else quiet. Sure, I would have done the same thing, but you know Emig was completely bullshit. I'll bet it took a lot for him to not have an outburst and just rattle off names like he's announcing the starting line ups for Moto 1. It stands to logic that he probably wouldn't have been banned if everyone came forward and admitted that they do it, too.

Listen minions, I used to think that pro racers were autonomous super athlete robots, too, but they are just normal guys who happen to know how to twist the throttle better than I do (dicks). People, most pros puff the magic dragon and have a few beers on occasion. It doesn’t mean that they are cheeb-smokin’, hemp-worshipping, Phish-listening, whiskey-puking degenerates. They just like to have fun, not unlike you, and not unlike me. I’m not trying to out anybody here. In fact, the way things are is good. Most riders keep their party life pretty well under wraps. They are shrouded in mystery, just like most pro athletes. It’s not like other sports don’t apply to what I’m saying here. Ok, what percentage of your friends chooch it up? Well take that percentage and apply it to your favorite MX riders and you will probably get a fairly accurate reading. And hell, maybe I’m just totally full of shit. How do you guys know? Think about it.

And as far as the harder goodies, I’ve only heard unreliable speculation here and there, so your guess is as good as mine on that subject. It’s funny, I recently had a convo with a friend about why kids who were involved in MX often end up on un-aired episodes of Intervention later on. We know a lot of kids that have kind of fallen off the grid since quitting the race scene. Studies [that I MIGHT have just made up to solidify my argument] have shown that kids used to the adrenaline rush of moto or other EXTREME sports need that sweet, sweet nectar. They say adrenaline is a drug more powerful than heroin. So kids hit the needle or the pipe or the twenty dollar nose bill to compensate for that missing rush. Therefore, these sports are more likely to lead kids to drugs should they become separated from the game. Oh christ, don’t let the environmental fucks in Washington read that one. They were worried about lead, get heroin in the mix and forget about it.

Anyways, that just happened. BROtocross dropping a little science on yo ass. I just proved that every one of you is a junkie. Sucks to be you. Oh wait, I am too. Balls.

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